Don't Leave Me Here Alone
by whisper98
Summary: Magnus Bane has just broken up with Alec Lightwood, this is Alec's thoughts, feelings and actions afterwards... You can also find this story on AO3


Disclaimer-I don't own TMI, sadly :(

Warnings- there is some swearing in this, though not too much.

Alec watched as Magnus' tall figure walked away from him. This, this was not happening, no way, it's not possible. The world seemed to be tilting for Alec, he was struggling to breath. How could he have been so stupid?! He was an idiot, he didn't deserve Magnus.

It didn't stop it from hurting though, he never intended to be found out, he wasn't going to do, no one needed to know. But they did, the one person who truly mattered found out and left him. Alone. It hurt so fucking much; Alec loved Magnus, so much that it made him selfish. For the first time he thought about doing something for his own benefit, it was something he had no right to decide. How could he ever think he did?

He was still standing in the subway, looking in the direction Magnus had disappeared, he wanted so bad, to chase down his warlock and beg, get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, he didn't. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he chose to ignore it. His heart was breaking he was falling and there was no one to catch him.

He wanted to run home and cry; he couldn't, he was the eldest of his siblings, he had to be strong, never show weakness. What would they think of him if he turned up home crying? His parents-his father in particular would tell him that's what he gets for being the way he is, that he was destined to walk the world alone. He couldn't go home and face that, they didn't say it but he knew that his parents were disappointed in him. It stung, he had worked his whole life trying to impress them but nothing he ever did was enough. There was always room for improvement, a lot of fucking room.

He hated himself, he had always been unsure of himself, he hid himself behind walls. Magnus was one of the few people who Alec had opened up to, cried in front of, shown his weakness. He found that his warlock hadn't left him, didn't think any different of him, and didn't call him weak. Magnus made him feel safe and like he belonged. Magnus was like one of Alec's worn sweaters, he loved them so much, he loved Magnus so much.

Now he had fucked it up, like he always did. There was no one to blame but him, no one at all. He could try blaming Camille but that would be unfair, she only dangled the carrot, he didn't have to try and reach for it. That's what you get from being selfish.

It was almost comical really; he gave himself completely to Magnus and couldn't imagine a life without him, that's what had lead him here, to a life where he now had to live without Magnus. He supposed he now had to stop thinking of Magnus as 'his warlock' because he wasn't, no one owned Magnus. He should never have tried. Now he was paying the price.

It was getting late and he figured that the occupants of the institute would all be asleep, they had all been exhausted the last couple of days, Alec included, he couldn't think of anything better than going and lying in bed being held by someone he loved. Of course that couldn't happen Alec reminded himself.

Sighing, he headed back, the streets were bathed in the streetlights glow, and they were mostly empty. He dug his hands in his pockets, he hadn't realised how cold it had become, he supposed though he deserved to be cold, after what he had done. He was crying again he could tell. Wiping away his tears angrily as he walked faster towards the familiar grounds of the institute, he was angry at showing his weakness.

The lights were all off as he knew they would be, for that he was grateful. He entered the building slowly and quietly, not wanting to wake his family up. The whole place was pitch black and Alec cursed himself for losing his witchlight; he didn't want to turn on the lights. Having spent so many years at the institute meant that Alec knew the place like the back of his hands. Closing his bedroom door he felt triumphant for making it to his room without tripping over anything. He felt triumphant until he turned around and his bedside lamp flickered on to reveal a slightly concerned but mostly angry Jace.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jace demanded

"What are you doing in my room, in the middle of the night? Alec responded.

Jace gave a smirk, "not too long ago you wouldn't have minded me sneaking into your room at night," he gave a little wink "seriously though where have you been?"

"Out." Alec shrugged,

"Alec," he sighed, running a hand through his hair "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, what makes you think something is wrong?"

"You're my parabatai, I can tell."

Alec almost cursed, of course Jace could feel he that something was wrong, how on earth did he think Jace wouldn't know? He just thought he would be too wrapped up in Clary to think about anything else. Though the bond of parabatai was often hard to ignore-he would know.

"Leave it Jace, just leave me alone"

"I am not leaving until you tell me what's wrong, are you hurt?" the concern in Jace's voice was almost overwhelming and he could feel tears welling up, but he refused to break down in front of Jace.

"I'm fine," he said coldly "now if you don't mind I would actually like to go to sleep before the sun rises." Jace looked shocked and a little hurt by the tone Alec used but would not be deterred, he was stubborn and Alec knew it. It was pointless fighting Jace.

Jace took a moment to properly study his brother; he looked tired and older than his age. Dark black shadows hung under his eyes and his brilliant blue eyes looked defeated. It was the kind of look Jace thought he would have if he and Clary were no longer together; it was a look of heartbreak. In that instant Jace had an idea of what had happened.

"What happened between you and Magnus?" he was almost afraid of the answer.

"H-he broke up with me" Jace could here Alec's voice crack, could feel the pain through their bond. Standing up he quickly went up to Alec and wrapped his arms round him. He felt Alec lean into the hug, needing the comfort that Jace was offering. That was all it took for his brother to break down. The sobbing was heartbreaking and Jace felt Alec's legs give out, so fully supporting Alec; he lowered them both to the ground, not once breaking the hug.

"It's all my fault," Alec said between sobs "I am a selfish idiot, he hates me. He has every right to…" Alec's voice was barley a whisper but Jace heard perfectly.

"I'm sure that's not true, come on Alec, he loves you! There is no way he hates you. Whatever it is that happened or what you did, it doesn't mean he hates you. Look, do you want me to go round and beat him up?" He was half joking, half being serious. No matter what Alec may have done, no one got to break his heart. He didn't get an answer from Alec, the sobbing had ceased but shivers still wracked Alec's frame and Jace was sure if he could see his face, there would be tears still running down them. "No matter what you know that me and Izzy are here and we love you."

"I know, I love you both too; even though you get on my nerves all the time." In that moment Alec realised that it was okay to have to lean on his siblings every once in a while; he didn't always have to be the strong one. Knowing that his siblings were there for him was enough to ease the pain in his heart, to fill up a bit of the void Magnus had left in his wake. It wouldn't fix everything and the next day would be difficult, but for now, it was enough.


End file.
